A RBM Look At “Creepshow”

George A. Romero is known the world over for his “Dead” series, but not too many people realize that he joined forces with Stephen King back in the 80’s. Being the hardcore horror harlequin that I am, it is only proper that I bing Creepshow into your hum-drum lives.

Most movies are one big story, with only a hand full of characters, and one major plot. Creepshow has five frightening fables from the minds of Stephen King and George A. Romero. With an all-star cast, to boot.

Before I get too involved with the stories, and what not, watch the trailer:

We begin with an irate father lecturing his son about the “Creepshow” comic book he’s been reading. The kid gets sent to his room, with a nice slap in the face for back talking. Daddy then tosses said comic book in the trash, and the little boy prays for his father’s death. At that moment, “The Creep” appears in his window, beckons the child to him, then the world turns into a cartoon, and the pages flip like crazy to the first story of the film.

“Father’s Day” is a funny tale about, what else, Father’s Day. We are told the story of how Aunt Bedelia (a crotchety, bitter, old hag) killed her father on Father’s Day, and returns to the house every year to morn his death. She goes to his grave, and with out warning, her dad climbs out of the grave he’s been in for 7 years yelling “WHERE’S MY CAKE?!”. After all, it is Father’s Day. He then goes on a killing spree, trying to get the cake he missed out on when he was killed. This story has one of the best endings ever. You should see it for yourself, because I’m a dick and won’t tell you how it ends.

Next comes “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill”. Stephen King stars in the roll of a near retarded Maine farmer, whose life takes an unexpected turn. A strange meteor rock lands in his back yard, he pokes it (getting burned in the process), then dumps a bucket of water on it to cool it off. The meteor splits in half, and this blue liquid spills all over the place. Over the course of the story, weird grass grows all over the place, including on Jordy himself. Again, watch it to see what happens.

We now join Leslie Nielsen and Ted Danson in “Something To Tide You Over”. Apparently, Leslie’s wife was cheating on him with Ted. To get even, he buried them both in the sand, up to their necks, and left them for the tide. Being the sleaze that he is, he went back to his house and watched them die from the confines of his own home. But love conquers all. Ted, and his lady fair, return from the deep to deliver a little slice of vengeance pie to Leslie.

Up next is “The Crate”. The Janitor at a college finds an old, chained up, crate under a flight of stairs. He calls the head professor, and the two jokers open the bastard up. Waiting for them inside, is a hairy gorilla-type beast, that has been hibernating since the early 1800’s. The janitor gets himself perished, and the professor turns to his sullen pall; a guy married to the most annoying, loud mouthed, drunk in the world, and would like nothing more for is wife to die. Can you guess where this is going, or do I really need to explain? I’ll leave you guessing, cuz that’s what I do.

Lastly, the dynamic duo of death throw one more tale at our faces. “They’re Creeping Up On You” centers around an ornery old fuck, who happens to be a germ-a-fobe. While heartlessly insulting the widow of the man he just pushed to suicide, his “germ proof” apartment becomes over-run by cockroaches. Not even poison, stepping on them, or grinding them to a pulp can stop them. But he get’s what’s coming to him, believe me.

Now, you haven’t forgotten the opening jaunt, have you? At the end of the movie, we are blessed with a cameo from Tom Savini (legendary make-up effects wizard). He is on the job as a trash man, and his partner finds the discarded “Creepshow” comic. They laugh and make jokes about the goofy adds inside, but notice that the add for a “voodoo doll” is missing. Have any idea who ordered it? If you guessed the little boy, you win a candy apple. The movie ends with the kid stabbing the fuck out the doll, while his father has convulsions at the breakfast table.

I never get tired of watching this movie. Every time I do, it brings me back to the time when WSBKTV38 would run Creepshow during Halloween, while I was laying on the floor of my grandparent’s living room, scared out of my gourde. So go and buy this movie. If you don’t, no amount of clapping will bring you back from where I’ll send you, you little fairy.


One Response to A RBM Look At “Creepshow”

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