Synecdoche, New York — Philip Seymour Hoffman Menstruates

September 18, 2008

From Charlie Kaufman, the greatest living screenwriter comes Synecdoche, New York. Kaufman can do anything. He has made Cameron Diaz ugly (Being John Malkovich), made Nic Cage funny again (Adaptation), and made hipsters like sci-fi (Eternal Sunshine). In his new jammie (and directorial debut), Hoffman plays an old dude with one thing on his bucket list; do something triumphant. This involves a life-scale replica of New York in a retired airplane hangar. I’m on board for anything with Kaufman’s name on it, even if he were to write a sixth Hitchhiker book.


Posters for Gomorrah

September 18, 2008

The movie based on the novel of the same name that made the Italian underground go “Excuse me?” Pretty much the freshest movie poster of 2008.

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Beverly Hills Ninja 2?

September 18, 2008

I know that if I think too hard on this one, you’ll be stuck with a post that takes four days to read. According to Variety:

“Beverly Hills Ninja 2,” a sequel to the 1997 action comedy, will lense in South Korea starting next month, making it the first mainstream Hollywood pic to do so. Mitch Klebanoff, a writer and co-producer of the original film, has scripted and will helm the sequel. Story involves an orphaned boy who wants to be a ninja but becomes involved in a crime in Hollywood while looking for his real parents. David Hasselhoff, Lucas Grabeel (“High School Musical”) and Taiwanese model-turned-actress Lin Chiling (“Red Cliff”) are set to star in the sequel”

How can you look at this face and want to destroy his legacy?

Spiderman: Baby Daddy

September 18, 2008

It looks as if Spiderman 4 and 5 will begin shooting next year. Along with a wopping 50mill to film the two back to back, Tobey Maguire has the following stipulation in his contract (from TimesOnline):

“IN A victory for working fathers in Hollywood, the actor Tobey Maguire has been granted “family time” with his young daughter as part of an unprecedented deal to star in the next two Spider-Man movies.

Maguire was willing to shoot Spider-Man 4 and 5 back-to-back over six months next year but insisted he should take early mornings and evenings off so he could play with his “favourite blonde”, Ruby Sweetheart, who is 22 months old.”

What a way to spend time with your child. He should totally leave the suit on at all times. If I had kids, and was fucking Spiderman, they’d have the time of their lives.

Another Hitchhiker’s Guide on the Way — Please No

September 18, 2008

Actually, panic all you want. Drink straight from the bottle, Russian Roulette, all that. Douglas Adams died seven years ago, and now his widow Jane Belson is doing the equivalent of exhuming his corpse, cutting his head off, and shitting down his neck. She is allowing children’s author Eoin Colfer to write a sixth Hitchhiker’s book. Fuck. No. From Yahoo News:

Called “And Another Thing…,” the new novel will be published in October 2009. Colfer said he was a big fan of the original books, which started as a BBC radio serial.

“For years I have been finishing this incredible story in my head and now I have the opportunity to do it in the real world,” he said in a statement. “It is a gift from the Gods. So, thank you Thor and Odin.”

Adams had expressed displeasure over the bleak tone of the fifth book, Mostly Harmless, which ends with the complete destruction of every version of the Earth in every possible timeline, along with the death of nearly all the regular characters. While this would seem to make a continuation extremely unlikely,

Adams had remarked that the afterlife-enhanced state of the regulars merely meant he would not have to waste time at the beginning of the next book gathering them together or explaining what they’d been up to in the intervening period.

I’m going to go buy some lube for my Childhood. It’s going to need it.

Dane Cook Day in Boston — Ho Boy

September 18, 2008

Martin Luther king Jr. has a day. My old man has a day. Presidents get one. Fuck it Boston, let’s give one to the star of Good Luck Chuck, Dane Cook; every frat-asshole’s favorite ‘funny’ man. Yesterday, 13 Boston City Council members named September 17 ‘Dane Cook Day.’ Cook recently filmed the comedy My Best Friend’s Girl in Boston. The movie has been getting, well, no reviews. From the Boston Herald:

Sadly, though, the early buzz on the flick isn’t the Best – especially since the studio refused to screen it for critics. And that, dear readers, only clues the masses that the movie is a mess . . . .

“I don’t know where all the bad buzz is coming from because we just screened it for the press on Monday night,” Cook told the Track, reminding us that he thinks it’s the funniest movie he’s ever made.

What a huge SUCK IT to Boston comedians like Dennis Leary, Louis C.K., and that nobody Conan O’Brien. Or how about Harvard Lampoon? Cook uses the same fucking shtick in every movie; recycling decades-old jokes from Urban Dictionary. And his movies always TANK. Boston City Council, are you okay?