Lucasfilm Slaps Harry Knowles on Knuckles with Ruler

August 13, 2008

Harry Knowles’ explicit and honest review of The Clone Wars was unpublished on Knowles’ Aint it Cool News after a representatives from Lucasfilm told him he would no longer be invited to advance screenings of future Lucasfilm movies. Honestly? Yes, honestly. In case you missed it, here’s a link to a page which republished it.

Take it like a man Lucasfilm

C’mon Lucasfilm. You vulture cocksuckers know that every 12 year old is going to see this movie and then piss his parents the fuck off; begging and begging until you buy him the $100 AT-TE. Sorry if a credible critic and SW diehard hated it.

Rock on Knowles.


Oldest Person Alive

August 13, 2008

Aged 115 years, Edna “Palpatine” Parker. What’s that smell like?

Late to the Party — Mummy 3 Review

August 13, 2008

Fuck the haters. This movie was pure F-U-N. Turn off your snotty, over-analytical brains for two hours and realize that this movie is not trying to be Indiana Jones; not trying to be taken seriously. I-dare I say it-had a better time watching this than I did Indy 4. It knows what it is and does not stray from that. The dialogue features some of the most effortless one-liners in celluloid history but I never once gave a hoot. The action was fucking first class; shotguns against the undead. Sliding 80 feet whilst grabbing handguns. Yetis partying. A Three-Headed dragon for no comprehensible reason. SO dope. On the technical side, the entire sequence outside of Shrangri-La looked amazing. The hard whites against bright blues, browns, and reds worked so good. And fuck man, did I mention shotguns? I will never hate an action sequence if it involves sawed-offs. Little qualms; Fraser, amazing at what you do as always. But bro, you looked sort of fucked up. Like your eyes had something unnatural going on. It’s cool though. To the young Asian mamma who plays the young Asian mamma (who I’m sure frequents this site), you’re really bad, pretty unbearable to listen to. Like Sandra Bernhardt. Your kung-fu wasn’t too impressive either. And that’s coming from a dude who took judo for 3 weeks. In conclusion:

Brendan Fraser, never stop.  (Did they Photoshop the gun out of his hand in this picture?)