It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.

By now the entire world has been made aware of this trailer’s existence.  But I am mostly to blame for the lack of promptness and all around good humor that you all have come to expect from RBM.  Lots of booze and not enough sleep will cause such problems. 

Worry not, all you loyal readers/basement trolls.  Semi regular posts are back and ready for your harsh words of criticism.  With that said…..FUCK, THIS LOOKS AWESOME!!!  I’m a bit worried about Bane, but I’m never completely happy with anything.

A response to a request for a donation to the Salvation Army written by Jim Cook

So, it’s that time of year, again, when we get to see a dirty, half-drunk Santa dressed up and ringing a bell outside of the local shopping centers in honor of the Salvation Army.  Before you reach into your pocket and pull out that handful of change and pocket lint, take a minute to read this post!  If you are like me, then you want to do what you can to help change the world, but at the same time, you don’t want to help make it suck more.  While the Salvation Army has helped out many many people, they have also turned their backs on many people in need… for instance:  THE ENTIRE GAY COMMUNITY!  That’s right, I said it.  The Salvation Army is anti-homosexuality!  Now, put that change back in your pocket!  I have done my homework and have located lots of other charities where your money would be much more appreciated, such as Habitat For Humanity (which has a Christian background, but discriminates against no one).

I recently read an article that talked about a young man and his partner or many years who fell on hardship.  When they went to the Salvation Army as a last resort, they were turned away unless they agreed to separate.  I have also checked into this and the Salvation Army has a very clear-cut stance on the subject, which you can read here:

http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn_2.nsf/0/B6F3F4DF3150F5B585257434004C177D?Opendocument

To quote them:  ”There is no scriptural support for same-sex unions as equal to, or as an alternative to, heterosexual marriage.” and later… “In keeping with these convictions, the services of The Salvation Army are available to all who qualify, without regard to sexual orientation.  The fellowship of Salvation Army worship is open to all sincere seekers of faith in Christ, and membership in The Salvation Army church body is open to all who confess Christ as Savior and who accept and abide by The Salvation Army’s doctrine and discipline.” However, there are numerous articles and stories about people in the homosexual community who have been turned away by this organization.  Not to mention, The Salvation Army (which consider’s itself a church) also believes they have a right to NOT hire homosexual people because they are “sinners”.  It’s not that this is a Christian organization that bothers me, it’s the fact that they claim to help anyone who needs their help,  but then turn their backs when their employees and volunteers will not help people from the gay community.  The Salvation Army also lobbies against pro-gay legislation nationally and internationally.

So, before handing over that change to the dirty, half-drunk (and probably heterosexual) Santa Clause ringing the bell in front of Stop and Shop, remember that there are other, more EQUAL charities to give your money, time and donate-worthy items to.

If you want to do something about it, then print out one of these vouchers from Soulforce.org and drop it into the bucket, instead.

http://www.soulforce.org/pdf/kettlevoucher.pdf

Of course, if that’s not your thing, then here are a few places that I have researched and donated to myself that I can comfortably recommend without feeling like there will be some form of discrimination.

RONNIE JAMES DIO- STAND UP AND SHOUT CANCER FUND (www.diocancerfund.org)

What they do:  ”Formed in honor of the legendary singer who lost his life to stomach cancer, The Ronnie James Dio Stand Up and Shout Cancer Fund is a 501(c)(3) non-profit charitable fund dedicated to support cancer prevention research, raise awareness and educate the public with the focus that early detection and prevention is of vital importance when dealing with this deadly disease that robs families of it’s loved ones.”

Why you should donate:  It’s one of very few metal-related charities!  It focus’s on the idea that “knowledge is power”, early detection means a better chance to beat the cancer.  DO IT FOR DIO!

CHILD’S PLAY (www.childsplaycharity.org)

What they do:  Improve the lives of children in hospitals all over by setting up gift wish lists for the children and by making the lists public so that people can send the gifts to the child in the hospital of their choice.  Child’s Play also accepts cash donations to purchase gaming systems, peripherals and other items for its kids!

Why you should donate:  The children can enjoy age-appropriate entertainment that is often less difficult for a sick child to do.  They can interact with their family, friends and peers and it gives them a distraction from their illness, which is, of course, very important.

ROOM TO GROW (www.roomtogrow.org/)

What they do:  Room to Grow provides poverty-stricken families with one-on-one parenting support and essential items for babies, such as diapers, clothes, bottles, etc.  Clinicians monitor the baby’s development at a visit every three-month, while the parents are educated on their child’s development stages.

Why you should donate to them:  Room to Grow fosters a teaching rather than just a hand out.  Instead of saying “Here you go!” and sending the family on their way, the offer education, as well as age appropriate items and health care.  They continue to support and check in on the babies they are working with.

BIG BROTHERS/BIG SISTERS (www.BBBS.org)

What they do:  ”Big Brothers Big Sisters carefully matches at-risk youths with caring, adult role models.  Research proves that children enrolled in Big Brothers Big Sisters programs are more likely to improve in school and in their relationships with family and friends, and less likely to skip school or use illegal drugs or alcohol.”

Why you should donate to them:  Their system works and there is proof in the children they help!  They do not discriminate!  If you don’t have time to volunteer and become a Big Brother or Big Sister, you can donate food, money, clothes, etc.

HAVE A HEART (www.haveaheartcharity.org)

What they do:  Improving the quality of life of children who are dealing with, or recovering from cancer or cancer-related illness.

Why you should donate:  Let’s face it, cancer is only becoming more and more of a problem.  Have a Heart puts an emphasis on children helping to create a comfortable life for children who are in need of a little comfort.  Their Kids Helping Kids program is a great way to teach children the importance of helping others.

KATIE’S KIDS (www.katieskidz.org)

What they do:  Collect gifts to give to children who are in the hospital with life-threatening illnesses during the holidays.  This charity was started by a 9-year-old little girl named Katie.

Why you should donate:  Every child should be able to enjoy the magic of the holidays, even if they have to spend them in the hospital.  More likely, I would say ESPECIALLY if they have to spend them in the hospital.  A little joy goes a long way.

ANIMAL WELFARE INSTITUTE (www.awionline.org)

What they do:  ”Since 1951, the Animal Welfare Institute has been dedicated to reducing animal suffering caused by people.  We seek better treatment of animals everywhere – in the laboratory, on the farm, in commerce, at home, and in the wild.”

Why you should donate:  They’ve been around for a really long time, and their system works.  They go straight to legislation, they cut out the middle man and get shit done!

I want to take a moment to say, remember to think locally.  There are tons and tons of national charitable organizations, but don’t forget that there are people in need all around you.  If you live in a metro area, it may be a little more prevalent since you see it on a more constant basis.  Don’t forget to do your research and find out what you can do locally.

Here is a list of some local, Massachusetts-based charities that I have done some research on:

BEVERLY BOOTSTRAPS- (Beverlybootstraps.org)

Beverly Bootstraps is a local group that provides housing stability, access to food, educational assistance to adults and youth,  counseling and advocacy.  It is completely funded by the community.

PROJECT BREAD- (Projectbread.org)

“Project Bread is dedicated to alleviating, preventing and ultimately ended hunger in Massachusetts.”

THE STEPPINGSTONE FOUNDATION- (TSF.org)

The Steppingstone Foundation develops and implements programs in schools for inner city and high risk children to prepare them for college and higher learning and ultimately leads to success in their future.

So, remember that there are other ways to make the world a better place and to help others out than to just donate your unwanted clothing, furniture and change to The Salvation Army.  As a matter of fact, try to think outside the box, this year.  Donate to a non-discriminatory group!

Now it all makes sense.

PRESENTS!!!!!

Every year around late October, I start getting the same question from parents who visit the video game store that I work in.  ”What’s the big present, this year?”  Sometimes it’s out of curiosity, but more often than not, it’s because they want to know what to expect when they ask their kids what they want Santa to bring this year.  Honestly, it flatters me that parents trust me with picking out the “big present under the tree.”  See, I know I have outstanding taste in entertainment, and I have the mind of a 12-year-old, so they can expect me to give a clear picture of what I expect to sell very well each year.  It helps that I get to try most of these games out before they release, and the fact that I spend lots of time corralling children in my store only adds to the fact that I’m aware of what’s the popular thing at any given time.  So, because I’ve been asked by a close friend what the heck they should get for their heard of children (and I’m not kidding, there’s A LOT of kids in that household), I’ve compiled a list of recommendations.

1.  Skylanders (ages 10 and up)-  This “collect them all” style video game in the Spyro series with real world counter-parts is already on the market and making a huge splash.  The premise of the game is that the magical Skylanders have been frozen in the real world by an evil tyrant.  The “frozen” Skylanders (called Interaction Figures) are small, detailed figurines that can be placed on a wireless “portal” triggering that same character to appear in the game as you place it on the platform.  The object is to complete challenges, puzzles and obstacles to reclaim the land and release the Frozen Figurines from the captivity on Earth.  You can place 2 characters on the portal at a time because, let’s be honest, you know that if you buy this for your son, his little sister is going to be pretty upset if she can’t play, too.  If they are an only child, well, you will probably get sucked in, too.  I observed 2 grown men playing this game for a solid hour a few nights ago, and I believe their session ended with one of them saying… “Now I have to get the rest of them!”  What’s better is that this game has a diverse range of ways to play and you can even play together or against one another.

These figurine’s actually remember their upgrades!  If you put a silly anvil hat on Gill Grunt in one playing session and then switch out characters, you will still have that anvil hat on when  you switch back to Gill.  The starter pack includes the following:

• -Skylanders game (for Wii, PS3, 360 or 3DS)
• -3 interaction figures-  Spyro, Gill Grunt, and Trigger Happy
• -1 Portal of Power
• - A Skylanders Poster
• - A Sticker Sheet
• - 2 AA Batteries (that’s right!  THEY ARE INCLUDED!!!!  So when your kids opens it on Christmas morning, there will be no tears because they can’t play it until after you’ve had your coffee and ran to the nearest 24 hour Wal-Mart)
• - 3 Web Codes

This package retails for $69.99 with the option to buy single figurines for $7.99 and 3-packs for $19.99 and various other packs for a range of prices that will usually include 1 figure that comes with a real world vehicle or weapons.  I highly recommend this game.  The individual figurines make great stocking-stuffers, and you can go as little or big with this as you want.  The game is seriously fun and is being referred to as the next Pokemon or Bakugan.

2.  Fijit Friends Interactive Toy (ages 6 and up)-

Ok, so number 1, I hate this toy.  It’s the creepiest thing I’ve seen in a while and to top it off, it’s annoying as hell.  But it’s already getting tons of outstanding reviews and the commercials have been making their rounds for a while, so I expect that this will be another “Sold Out” shelf at the local toy store.  It has answers to over 150 different phrases and each of the dolls has its own personality.  I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up in the middle of the night to find this thing sitting on my chest staring at me.

Anyway, this little gem takes 5 AA batteries (which are included) and retails for $49.99.  But try to hold at for as long as you can because I have a feeling that if you keep this thing in your closet while waiting for Christmas Eve, it might sneak out of its box and kill the neighbor’s dog.

3.  Animal Planet Air Swimmers (ages 8-10 although, I would totally play with this thing)

So this is pretty self-explanatory.  It’s a helium inflated RC balloon that retails for $49.99.  It’s recommended for indoor use only, although I have a feeling that most children will feel the pull to bring it outdoors.  Best part?  It’s re-useable, so when the helium all runs out, you can buy a replacement tank.  Set up and use are super easy, and it looks like a great way for kids to torture their pets!  This is another one that I highly recommend.

4.  Hallmark’s Interactive Story Books and Story Buddies, Specifically “Jingle the Husky Puppy”- (all ages, but children who can’t read will require a parents help)

ADORABLE!

This is so cute!  Excuse me while I am a total girl about this, but I work in a plaza that has a Hallmark store, and I was on a break recently and saw this toy in action recently.  There was a little girl and 2 little boys with their Grandmother in the store and they were looking at book, the Grandmother said a phrase from the book and the dog barked and the children went wild!  They thought it was so magical that the puppy came to life.  Now I’m sure that the demand won’t be quite as big for this as, say, Fijits… because it’s not nearly as creepy.  However, it is a Hallmark creation that even has a Hallmark Channel movie Jingle All the Way that will be premiering on November 25 and NOT starring Arnold.  The DVD will be available starting on Nov. 26th.

If your kids love Jingle, there are several other Story Book Buddies that have their own stories to tell.  The set retails for $39.95 but if you purchase online before Christmas Eve, you will get $10 off.  Jingle also has an activity book that counts down the days until Christmas that you can buy separately.  AND, since Hallmark is all about digging as deep into your purse as possible, they have an ornament, too that will, no doubt, be ridiculously over priced.  (I love their ornaments, but come on!)

5.  Let’s Rock Elmo- (18 months and up)

"Helloooooo Detroit!"

OBVIOUSLY!  This is, of course one of the biggest toy releases of the year because it’s Elmo.  Interactive toys are the theme of the year, and this one is no exception!  All of the instruments are of an appropriate size for pre-school aged hands, and sturdy so that they won’t break when dropped (because they most definitely will be).  Elmo “rock’s out” to rockin’ versions of The Alphabet Song and Old McDonald Had a Farm, and constantly encourages his onlookers to join in.

So, that’s what I’ve got, folks!  I may or may not post something a little later on about other options.  I recently wrote a post about the importance of reminding children that Christmas is NOT just about toys, that I may post later here on RBM.  To all my friends with kids, especially the one’s who ask my opinion each year about this stuff, hope this helped!  Skylanders is #1 for a reason.  I’ve seen all of these toys up close, and Skylanders is DEFINITELY my favorite.

Since most dopes think this is a sequel/remake, I’m not as bothered as I should be (mostly due to the fact that I have a brain in my head and know my Carpenter movies).  Even the fact that it was created by the same shit-heads that made the atrocious Dawn of the Dead remake hasn’t deterred me.  This looks like it’s going to be fantastic as hell. 

Sure the abundance of cgi puts a frownie face on my face.  But some times movies just need that extra umph.  Maybe if Stan Winston was still alive, and Rob Bottin got off his lazy (but awesome) artistic ass, they wouldn’t require that extra push.  But dead is dead, being lazy rules, and cgi can’t be stopped….no matter how much I bitch.

No amount of prayers will help your movie, Momoa

Since the colossal success of The Lord of the Rings, studio execs have been trying to bank on the grand-scale epicness perfected by Peter Jackson.  He managed to take the works of Tolkien to a level never dreamed possible while sticking true to the story and pacing them beautifully.  Why other directors can’t follow suit is beyond me.  These days they feel the need to bombard their audiences with quick/random cuts, grand swooping shots from the sky, and random scenarios that seem to say “hey, what do ya think of this?”.  Sadly, the 2011 take on the classic epic Conan: The Barbarian did just that.

I have to say that I was super pumped going into this film.  Aside from the trailers and junk, the one thing that solidified my decision to see it was shown to me by my buddy T-Bone.  Here it is:

Looks incredible, right?  Well, I hate to say that this was the best part of the movie.  My buddy Steve summed it up wonderfully on the drive home:  “That movie died with Ron Perlman“.  From that point on, the film slowly continued on a downward spiral into the bowels of suck.  Apparently Steve’s wife (and best roommate ever) Dorothy could feel the degenerating enthusiasm emanating from my body as the film went on.

Jason Momoa has proven himself highly capable of playing the roll of a big dumb barbarian.  However, the furry blood-soaked boots of Conan were meant for Arnold and Arnold alone.  There is no way the world can be convinced otherwise.  Sorry.  But even though Momoa was given a dialogue heavy version of the Cimarian, he did manage an okay new take on the character.  I will always remember him best as Khal Drogo though.

“you call THAT rape?!  I’ll show you rape!”

It was cool to see Rose Mcgowan getting at least a secondary role in a Conan movie after the Red Sonja film was axed.  Her super sexy outfits were doubly cool.  What wasn’t cool was the stupid-ass Freddy Krueger finger claws her character had.  They even went to the extent of shooting a “nail scrape on wall” scene.  Seriously?  Why would they put that in a movie about crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women?  KRUUUUM!  Maybe if there was some mild girl-on-girl action I would’ve been okay with it.  But there wasn’t any so it doesn’t matter.

“How do you like my French tips?”

Morgan Freeman manned the narrator’s booth, a position last held by the late great Mako.  As always, Freeman hit a home run.  It just sucked that his wonderful reading gets washed away by a torrent  of forgetful characters, cities no one cares about, and  horses that went un-punched (HE DIDN’T EVEN PUNCH A HORSE!).

Now that I’ve gotten this anger out of system depression has begun to set in.  I’m going to go drown my memory of this movie in the watered down booze at Dodge St Bar & Grill in Salem.  With any luck I’ll be drunk with Krum in Valhalla by morning.

That’s right  folks, it was 20 years ago today that Canadian animator/maniac John Kricfalusi warped the minds of 10-12 year olds across the globe.  Never before had toilet humor and outlandish violence been captured so beautifully as it was with the help of an asthma-hound chihuahua and a semi-retarded cat.  But if it wasn’t for the disturbing nonsensical chaos that Ren & Stimpy provided, I probably wouldn’t be the jolly ole Viking that I am today.

If you haven’t a clue as to who or what I’m talking about then you’re either too young to understand life or are too old to remember living.  Ren & Stimpy followed the adventures of Ren Hoek (a chronically pissed off asthma-hound chihuahua) and Stimpson J. Cat (a highly stupid feline).  Trying to explain the sheer zanyness of these two iconic characters is near impossible to sum up in just a few mere sentences, so here are a few episodes of the glory that is Ren & Stimpy.  Sadly, the censors had dumb issues with the show’s better episodes so they got cut apart in later airings.  Thankfully I was able to watch them when they originally aired and have a mutant ability to remember awesome things.

Haunted House:

(censored “bloody head fairy” scene)

The Big Baby Scam:

(censored bathtub scene)

Dog Show:

Sven Hoek:

Monkey See Monkey Don’t:

Ren’s Toothache:

Commercials were  also a big part of the Ren & Stimpy show, though some of the products you probably wouldn’t want to buy.

Time to learn stuff with some Ask  Dr. Stupid:

We at RBM would like to thank John K, Bob Camp, and Billy West for breathing life into the epitome of disturbing cartoons.  Your highly detailed stills, product parodies, and fart jokes helped to mold the man that the people in the real world get to hang out and “cartoon quote”.  This one’s for you!

I’ve always been more of an old-school Al fan.  Even though his recent albums are funny as all hell, I still don’t dig the bands he’s been parodying.  But this new video makes my nostalgic heart feel like it’s stuck in a closet with Vanna White every time I hear this killer new shit from that lanky madman with the curly hair.  He managed to rock my face off and disturb me for life all in the span of 15 seconds.  Well played good sir.   Well played.

It’s going to be hard for them to top T2, but if you ask me this T-X looks to be one bad ass mother eff.

One would assume that since MARVEL now has the power to make their own films they’d be able to make flawless comic book movies.  Not so.  Many would simply forget about the Fantastic Four flub, Ghost Rider‘s gaffe, and Electra‘s err…not me.  A good handful of spot on renditions have come to the screen to prove that it can be done correctly.  It just sucks when someone only goes half way.  I just didn’t think the people behind X-Men:  First Class would be in that category.

I’m not going to ramble on about what I liked, what sucked, and what the movie’s about.  This is a movie that everyone is going to have different takes on…plus, I’m still debating how I feel about it.  What I will tell you is this, if you look past all the nerderific mess-ups, First Class is a great movie.  Some of the stuff that really ground my geek gears I later found to actually have some book relevance, though a good portion still pissed me off.  It was almost like the writers cut the script apart, tossed in some horrible jokes about well-known character stuff, added characters hardly anyone heard about but had similar powers as other well known ones, dumped it all in a hat, then hired two different directors to take turns drawing scenes.  One of them totally had sexy lady luck on his side while the other reached his hand into a cereal box full of shit.

A ton of stuff has happened in the MARVEL world since I went on comic hiatus, so much so that things could be put in a film that I would have no idea what it is.  But who wants that kind of movie?  Personally, I like watching the stuff I know and love.  I don’t need a prick who already wiped his balls with the X-Men story to lay his art-faggy mitts on another film, no matter how minor his part is in the creation process (I’m talking about YOU, Bryan Singer!).  Jon Favreau and Kenneth Branagh demonstrated that a fucking awesome comic-to-movie translation CAN be done.  I don’t see why people have such a hard time with the X-Men franchise.  ALL THE STORY YOU NEED CAN BE FOUND AT A COMIC BOOK STORE!!!

If you haven’t seen ‘em by now, here’s some of the trailers:

Mystique

Beast

Havok

Banshee

Official trailer

Should you happen to have $11 and a few hours to kill, check out this film.  I hope you are left with a more concrete feeling than I was.  Perhaps after a few more viewings I’ll be able to decide.