Trailer for “ROBOCOP 2014″: Your Move, Creep.

September 6, 2013

Robocop_2

Well I’ll be damned.  They actually went through with it.  They’ve gone and remade yet another movie from our childhood.  I thought this one was just going to be another rumor that would fizzle out.  Nope.  This is for real, folks.  ROBOCOP got remade….and we have the trailer. Read the rest of this entry »


Pondering The Aftermath of “A Nightmare on Elm Street 3″

June 7, 2013

Dream_warriors

There are certain movies that one can watch countless times and never get sick of.  Everybody has their list.  I keep mine in a little box next to my bed.  Half the fun of re-watching these movies isn’t just in the recitation of every line.  No, sir.  The bulk of the enjoyment comes when you notice something brand new in a movie you’ve seen more times than your I.Q. score.  This very thing happened to me quite recently. Read the rest of this entry »


“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

May 21, 2013

AVH_aff2

(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold: Read the rest of this entry »


Game Over: The Life & Adventures Of “EVOLVER”

May 20, 2013

evolver

The late 80′s and early 90′s were a great time to be a kid.  Computer generated effects were in their infancy, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak, and many awesomely-bad sci-fi movies were being pumped out like no tomorrow.  My favorite brand of those films were the ones based around video games that tried to kill the players for real.  Just think about it.  What if Nintendo had the cojones to instal crazy military programing into Robbie The Robot?  Gyromite would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult, I tell ya what.  I’ll do you one better.  What if Q from Star Trek: TNG was responsible for programing and designing the robot?  We’d be in for a world of shit.  EVOLVER is about that very thing. Read the rest of this entry »


Meh At The End Of The Street

May 19, 2013

House-at-the-End-of-the-Street__1_

There really isn’t all that much to do when you’re working the graveyard shift.  Reading books and channel surfing tends to play a huge part in the down-time.  But ever since Netflix became available to me, via my phone and other media, I’ve been privy to the seemingly endless supply of mediocre movies they’ve acquired.  Tonight I took the Netflix wheel o’ wonders for a spin and was rewarded with indifference.  Ladies and gentlemen, here are my thoughts on House at the End of the Street. Read the rest of this entry »


Defender Discusses “DAYBREAKERS”

October 24, 2012

Let’s face it, vampires have been done to death these days.  Everything from turning them into sparkly sissies, giving them an HBO series, and having them go toe-to-toe with a former president has been churned out of tinsel-town lately.  Frankly, I’m sick of it.  They’re everywhere these days and they totally suck…and not in the awesome way.  I was beginning to lose hope that there would never be a truly great vampire movie again.  DAYBREAKERS changed all that. Read the rest of this entry »


“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

October 24, 2012

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.


The Hobbit: A Most Expected Face-Melting

December 21, 2011

It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.


BANEs, Bats, & Cats: Trailer For “The Dark Knight Rises”

December 21, 2011

By now the entire world has been made aware of this trailer’s existence.  But I am mostly to blame for the lack of promptness and all around good humor that you all have come to expect from RBM.  Lots of booze and not enough sleep will cause such problems.  Read the rest of this entry »


Trapped Under Ice: Red-Band Trailer For “The Thing” Prequel

September 20, 2011

Since most dopes think this is a sequel/remake, I’m not as bothered as I should be (mostly due to the fact that I have a brain in my head and know my Carpenter movies).  Even the fact that it was created by the same shit-heads that made the atrocious Dawn of the Dead remake hasn’t deterred me.  This looks like it’s going to be fantastic as hell.  Read the rest of this entry »


Conan: The Dumb-barian

August 20, 2011

No amount of prayers will help your movie, Momoa

Since the colossal success of The Lord of the Rings, studio execs have been trying to bank on the grand-scale epicness perfected by Peter Jackson.  He managed to take the works of Tolkien to a level never dreamed possible while sticking true to the story and pacing them beautifully.  Why other directors can’t follow suit is beyond me.  These days they feel the need to bombard their audiences with quick/random cuts, grand swooping shots from the sky, and random scenarios that seem to say “hey, what do ya think of this?”.  Sadly, the 2011 take on the classic epic Conan: The Barbarian did just that. Read the rest of this entry »


New Terminator Trailer

June 20, 2011

It’s going to be hard for them to top T2, but if you ask me this T-X looks to be one bad ass mother eff.


Caught In The Middle: An “X-Men:First Class” Review

June 11, 2011

One would assume that since MARVEL now has the power to make their own films they’d be able to make flawless comic book movies.  Not so.  Many would simply forget about the Fantastic Four flub, Ghost Rider‘s gaffe, and Electra‘s err…not me.  A good handful of spot on renditions have come to the screen to prove that it can be done correctly.  It just sucks when someone only goes half way.  I just didn’t think the people behind X-Men:  First Class would be in that category. Read the rest of this entry »


Song Of The Day: Friday The 13th Edish

May 13, 2011

Alice Cooper:  He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)

How could I let a Friday the 13th slip by without listening to this song?  Sure it’s from one of the lesser Friday movies, but you simply can’t ignore how awesomely amazing this tune is.


“THOR”: Norse Gods And A Demented Defender

May 7, 2011

I know what you’re thinking.  “This guy has problems.”  Well, if by problems you mean a strong desire to be awesome, then you’re correct.  Not many people have the balls to fully embrace something they love to the extent that I do, and that’s a shame.  Why wouldn’t you want to absorb might, strength, and power into your daily lives?  The Norsemen had the right idea, so grow a pair and live life the Viking way!  MARVEL studios has been doing just that, and THOR is all the proof you need. Read the rest of this entry »


11-11-11 Will Be Chalk Full Of “Immortals”

April 28, 2011

I haven’t heard anything about this movie until today.  As awesome as this looks, it pains me that they totally ripped off the ranger’s weapon from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon.  I like to think this dude plucked it from the charred remains of Hank then had his way Sheila “the thief”.  Read the rest of this entry »


“Jennifer’s Body” Puts The SUCK In Succubus

April 21, 2011

Waiting for the hype of new films to die out is kind of my thing.  I stress out enough thinking about how much of my gut is sticking out of the bottom of my t-shirt, so spending two hours in a packed theater with hormone riddled high schoolers and overly excited nerds is something I can do without.  Every now and then a film gets released that requires me to dawn my armor and venture forth, but Jennifer’s Body wasn’t one of ‘em. Read the rest of this entry »


“Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes” Trailer

April 14, 2011

It’s been a good 10 years since Tim Burton grabbed the world by the scruff and drove it face-first into a steaming pile of monkey spunk that was his remake of the classic Planet of the Apes.  Some have forgiven the dreary director, but I for one have not.  Sure, his rendition was closer to the story the original that Apes was based off of.  That doesn’t give him the right to do what he did.  The stink of Paul Giamatti will never go away, despite the hours of vigorous scrubbing. Read the rest of this entry »


Mortal Kombat Mania: Part II, Legacy

April 13, 2011

So, as many of my friends are aware, I have been looking forward to the first episode of the new web series, Mortal Kombat: Legacy.  First off, I want to say that I have had a total girl-crush on Jeri Ryan for some time (Voyager brought that on, of course), and while I thought that she might be a little too “mature” to be playing a 20-something Sonya Blade, I thought that she filled the role nicely based on the first episode and she’s as beautiful and intense as ever.  Michael Jai White fills the role of Jax near perfection.  I was ecstatic to see Tahmoh Panikett (Helo in Battlestar Gallactica) as Stryker.  I have to say, I wasn’t super impressed with the choice of Kano for an antagonist, and I was equally turned off by Darren Shahlavi’s (Watchmen) acting, but I’m not blaming him, they couldn’t have picked a worse bad guy to start the series.  What an uninteresting choice?!?! Read the rest of this entry »


Volstagg: The Not-Quite-Voluminous

March 17, 2011

“DAMN THEE, DIET!”

There is much excitement in the nerd community surrounding the new THOR movie that’s due out soon.  As awesome as the trailer is, a “small” problem has been brought to my attention.  Turns out the portly powerhouse Volstagg has been poorly cast.  I know, I know.  How hard could it be to cast a large and in-charge warrior from the halls of Asgard?  Harder than you’d think, apparently. Read the rest of this entry »


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