While fighting the tail-end of a rockin’ cold, I was sitting at work last night monitoring one of my clients when an idea hit me. The dude was sitting in bed having random episodes of harsh chomping at the open air, followed by a few quick seconds of gnawing on his bottom lip. He looked like a human piranha in mid feeding-frenzy. I let that thought percolate in my noodle for the duration of my shift. It wasn’t until my drive home that the perfect cartoon for today made sense. Some douche-fuck in a white sedan swerved onto my side of the road, nearly careening head-on into my mighty Ford Focus. A vision of shark fins popping out of the concrete, chasing that fuck down like the can of sardines he/she is, had me in great spirits throughout the rest of my drive. Too bad the only way I’ll get to see that happen is by watching today’s cartoon, Street Sharks.
In the spirit of the many shows that were cranked out to help promote their respective toy lines, Street Sharks was a sweet tip-o-the-hat to that legendary hit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This time we were privy to a family of mid 90’s stereotypes who get their DNA combined with various shark species at the hands of the sinister Dr. Paradigm (a cyclopean mad scientist with a remora attached to his back-side).
(there are some episodes that aren’t on YouTube, so here’s what I could find)
Season 2: Shark and Roll
Fresh Water Shark
Shark of Steel
To make sure they didn’t entirely rip-off the mean-green-turtle machine, the Street Sharks feast upon just about everything their tiny fish-brains come up with though they prefer a good burger and fries (who doesn’t?). Pizza makes them retch. A sad thing to say, yet cool that they leave that meal to the sewer dwellers.
All this talk about genetic freaks and eating has made me hungrier than a great white. I think before I rest my mutated head I should stuff my craw with some “Shark” Boyardee: