Scattered Remains, Splattered Brains: Monster-Mania Con ’09 In Review

“Dark gray clouds hovered on the horizon.  A crisp summer breeze wafted through the strawberry-blond locks set atop the warrior’s head, as he readied adventuring gear.  His mind went over the list of supplies that stumbled around in his booze soaked skull; a side effect from the night before.  All that was left was to meet up with his traveling companion, Wooster Of The Hill People, and the long trek could begin.  The warrior steeled his gaze at the road ahead of him.  It was time.  Monster-Mania Con had come.”

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After months of preparation, I took off to Connecticut to spend the weekend at a horror convention.  Nothing in my wildest dreams could have prepared me for what the Gore Gods had in store for me.  My buddy Wooster and I continually bounced total baffoonery off one another, loud music rocked the air around us, while questions of what lay ahead of us were tossed around, and this was just the first day!

In order for you to truly wrap your tiny brains around my experience at Monster-Mania con, I will take you through the more paramount events of the weekend individually, mostly to make things easier on my part (my body and mind are still in the recovery phase).

Let’s start at the beginning.  Upon arrival at the convention, it was rather difficult to get my bearings.  Many hallways and rooms branched off of the main vestibule of the the hotel, making it hard to figure out where to start.  Being the lemming that I am, I saw a line and stood in it while my flock of friends took a look around.  As luck would have it, the line was full of people waiting to meet Robert Englund (or Freddy Krueger to all the dullards).  After about 4 hours, and an irritating round of musical chairs (that’s right, after the line came sitting in chairs), I met Robert Englund.  Super awesome guy, very personable, and was gracious enough to help promote RBM.

Having spent my entire supply of energy (driving, standing, sitting, then standing again will do that), I crashed.  But not before celebrating the occasion with my buds.  At the hotel bar, we bumped into Derek Mears (he plays Jason in the new Friday The 13th).  But I’ll save that story for the end.

The next day was my turn to explore and autograph hunt.  An entire room was filled wall to wall with different celebs from many classic horror movies.  All that mattered to me was the cast of A Nightmare On Elm St.  A reunion was being held, and the cast was lined up along one of the long walls, each with their own table full of 8×10 photos.  My friends Pat and Chandra continually claimed I was like a kid at Christmas.  I’d say more like one at Disney World.  Here are some pics (and a couple promos):

Lisa Wilcox:

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Being the total sweetheart that she is, Lisa did a little vid for us.  She was super nice so I didn’t have the heart to correct her mistake with our name.

John Saxon:

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Heather Langenkamp:

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While signing for the many people in attendance, Heather was also filming a documentary about her career.  I turned the tables and got some video for us!

Amanda Wyss:

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Considering the last time I saw Amanda was during her death scene in A Nightmare On Elm Street, I had no idea she’d have a killer personality with a smile to match.

Take a gander at some of the other celebs at Monster-Mania:

Betsy Palmer:

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I almost sent some of her pictures sailing to the floor.  But being the awesome lady that she is, she gave me a hug.  Having Jason’s mom say she liked my hair was quite rad too.

Chris Sarandon:

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Marshall Bell:

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Every time we ran into Marshall he was hilarious.  Always willing to talk about anything, very light hearted, and I’m convinced KUATO really does dwell in his bread basket.  He was cool enough to give us a little blurb:

Robert Rusler:

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“Sudup and blow me.” (you had to be there)

We got to talk to Robert during a smoke break.  He is one funny bastard, and the kind of guy you’d love to watch a U.F.C. fight with, then cruise for chicks.  Great dude.

Bruce Campbell:

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Due to security measures, I was unable to get Bruce to do a promo for us.  The fact that I was in the same room with a man I’ve been a fan of since forever was enough to keep me giddy for the rest of my life.

Derek Mears:

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OK.  The entire world needs to understand just how incredible this man is.  Every night, Derek hung out with the true partiers who stuck around after the convention ended for the day.  He had us in complete stitches, and was willing to answer any questions people would ask him, not to mention agreeing to a few ridiculous pictures with us:

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One lady was asking him some random stuff when I caught an answer that will be forever burned in my brain.  She asked why he’d like to live in Tokyo.  His response (in the most up-beat, friendly tone I’ve ever heard) “Giant Robots.”  Awesome.  The best part, in my mind at least, was the last day of the event.  My bud and I went bid our farewells, along with some heartfelt thanks, when Derek blindsided us by saying he thought WE were hysterical.  Ya see mom!  Drinking does pay off!

Derek did a little introduction for the showing of Friday The 13th:  “The Killer Cut”.  If you pay attention, he gives a little nod to my buddy and me, as well as raising his glass to us.

We at RBM would like to send out our deepest thanks to Robert Englund, Bruce Campbell, Marshall Bell, Robert Rusler, Heather Langenkamp, Lisa Wilcox, Amanda Wyss, and especially Derek Mears.  You all took time out of your busy lives and delivered to us the weekend of a lifetime.  We eagerly look forward to the next event, even though it’s going to be near impossible to top this one.

Another big thanks goes out to the guys who put the entire convention together.  If it wasn’t for you I would’ve been watching the Elm Street movies at work, instead of partying my ass off.  You rock!

*Be sure to check out everybody’s websites, movies, and other works they may have done.  They work hard and deserve the coinage we slide into their pockets.  Besides, Derek Mears is a monster of a man.  He may be kind, but my gut tells me you wouldn’t want that dude thundering through the woods after your sorry ass.*

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