Crazy Crap 2/4/09

And with a smile like that, you can tell he’s also the galaxy’s greatest playa.

Johnny Rotten for Country Life Butter

A punk rock legend wearing a tweed suit?!  Has the world gone topsy-turvy? When I think butter I think rotten so this makes perfect sense to me. Dee-lish. Next up, Angus Young for Vegemite.

“Q’Pla…Now Hand Over The Cash”

With the American economy fastly swirling down the drain of a mega toilet, everyone from super powered stock brokers, to over-the-top Star Trek fans are feeling the pinch. It seems some uber loser (and that’s being very nice) robbed two 7-11’s in Colorado while wielding a Klingon Bat’leth.

From TrekMovie.com:

“The robber, described as “a white man in his 20s, wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and wearing a mask” robbed the first 7-11 at 145 N Spruce Street in Colorado Springs at 1:50 AM. The robber demanded money and left after getting an undisclosed amount of cash. According to reports, the clerk recognized the weapon “from the Star Trek TV series.” A half hour later the Bat’leth bandit struck again at a 7-11 at 2407 Union, but after the clerk refused to give him any money the robber (in a very un-Klingon-like move) fled the scene. Neither clerk was injured and the robber is still at large.”

’09 Bonnaroo Lineup Announced: Featuring Everyone Who Has Ever Recorded an Album

The full lineup for the 2009 Bonnaroo Festival has been announced. The lineup seems to be targeted towards anyone who has ever listened to music, ever. RBM is going to use all of our ad revenue to get Defender super drunk and send him to the festival, alone and confused, surrounded by these people.

Full lineup after the jump (the official site said “more to be announced,” because this obviously isn’t enough).

I’ve Got Hurt Feelings

I missed Flight of the Conchords on Sunday night, but I caught it last night and almost peed during this song. I slept on last season, mainly because I didn’t have HBO, but until Always Sunny in Philadelphia comes back this is my new favorite show.

History Made Today in History

211 – Roman Emperor Septimius Severus dies, leaving the Roman Empire in the hands of his two quarrelsome sons, Caracalla and Geta. Rumors are flying at www.funnyordie.com that this is going to be the plot of the next Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly movie. Before jointly alerting the people of Rome of their father’s death, Will secretly pees in John’s shoes and embarasses him in front of the populace calling him “Co-Emperor Pee Feet.”

1703 – In Edo (now Tokyo), 46 of the Forty-Seven Ronin commit seppuku (ritual suicide) as recompense for avenging their master’s death. Hollywood is also working on a script for this story with Larry David slated to play the 47th Ronin who didn’t commit suicide. The family members of those who died all approach Larry about his dishonorable behavior, but Larry somehow manages to rationalize his actions, at least to himself. One family member then spits on him.

1859 – The Codex Sinaiticus is discovered in Egypt. This 4th century handwritten copy of the Greek Bible contains the somewhat controversial, but altogether hilarious account of Jesus’ 21st birthday. Highlights include Peter puking out of the window of Matthew’s Datsun, Simon Peter threatening Jesus to stop time so they can squeeze in a few more brews before last call and John forgetting to close out his bar tab and getting chased down by an angry bouncer.

Stills From “Tales Of The Black Freighter”

I must have Watchmen fever, or something of that variety. With it’s release about a month away, it’s understandable why I would. So here’s some more Watch-news….

Song of the Day

Last night I attempted to go to bed early and was kept awake by the gnomes in my radiator who bang their magic hammers all night, the people upstairs passion for moving furniture at all hours, and Nick at Nite’s schedule change. I need a nonsensical jam with dreamy lyrics. Pavement, “Fillmore Jive.” “Why won’t you let me sleeeeeeep…”

New “Watchmen” Posters Get In-Your-Face And Super Chill

Let’s get “in-your-face” first:

It’s terrible, but I have never been to see a film at the IMAX.  There.  I said it.  Now it’s out there.  Maybe this movie will be the one to get my lazy ass out to a 3-D theater.

A Trip to the Dentist

Is this the best seven-year-old ever?

New Video Footage For “Dragonball: Evolution”

As if the story of the original cartoon wasn’t confusing enough, now they’re throwing in some transforming jeeps and motorcycles?  Can’t you silly Japanites be a little less bonkers for once?

Attack Of The Killer….Review

In my quest to find the cheeziest movies ever created, I never imagined that I would stumble across the Holy Grail of cheesieness.  Attack of the Killer Tomatoes has to be the goofiest damn film ever, and I’ve sat through Basket Case 3. 

A Film Sure to Warm Your Heart

Here’s the trailer for Burning Passions, a film by Brian Belefant (based on his 1999 short). It’s your run-of-the-mill coming of age story with a twist: he ejaculates fire. It’s making the festival rounds this year and there are far too many easy jokes to make here, so simply fill in the blanks in your own immature minds. Isn’t a young man cumming fire enough for you?

Christian Bale Tirade X The Dance Remix