This is a Movie

Pitch Meeting: “Alright, suspend your disbelief for a minute. It’s about a surfer, just your average surfer, you know, ‘stoked,’ never wears shoes, even in an airport, huge boner 24/7. And he’s upset, because…there are no waves!!!”

The direct to DVD movie Surfer Dude is being released tomorrow and I’ll let the official movie blog do the talking:

Surfer Dude is about a surfer (Matthew McConaughey) who is driven crazy by a lack of waves.

They exaggerate many aspect of the surfing universe, but hey, a lots of beautiful girls in the movie as a result, so I am certainly not gonna complain!

I don’t think I’ve watched a movie because a beautiful girl was in it since Where the Heart Is. Surfer Dude is directed by SR Bindler, whose previous credit (singular) is 1997′s Hands on a Hard Body: The Documentary. Not only is it a documentary with the word “documentary” in the title, but I’ve never encountered a sexy title as misleading as Hands on a Hard Body: The Documentary. In a way, isn’t all porn documentary? From IMDB:

Twenty-four contestants compete in an endurance/sleep deprivation contest in order to win a brand new Nissan Hardbody truck.

PS: The Surfer Dude IMDB page lists 78 cast members. That’s double what’s on the Karate Kid page, because I look for these things.

Microphone Murderer; Portrait of the Artist As a Young Don

This track resurfaced over the long weekend, getting played on Hot 97. Story goes that this is off of the demo that got Biggie signed. And since this is snatched from the radio broadcast, it’s censored and DJ Mr. C interrupts a half dozen times to scream “Brooklyn” and remind us who we’re listening to. At one point, Biggie is going off and Mr. C cuts in to yell “Listen to the lyrics!” Well, we can’t Mr. C because you’re fucking screaming at us. What if we were to blog like MR. C djs?

This track resurfaced RBM!!! over the long weekend, CHA!!! getting played on Hot 97. Story MASSACHUSETTS!!! goes that this is off of the READ HARD!!! demo that got Biggie signed. And since ROBOTS BITING MEN!!! this is snatched from the radio SIT DOWN AND READ!!! broadcast, it’s censored and IS IT A NEW WIFE SWAP THIS WEEK!?!? DJ Mr. C interrupts a NEW HAMPSHIRE!!! half dozen times to scream JAKE LLYOD!!! “Brooklyn” and remind us who we’re OH, MARS!!! listening to. At one point, BLOG!!! Biggie is going off and Mr. C cuts in to yell “Listen to the lyrics!” INTERNET!!! Well, we can’t Mr. C because WITCH CITY!!! you’re (hee-haaaw!!!) screaming at MIRACLE WHIP!!! us. What if we were to blog like RBM!!! MR. C djs?

Monday Morning Wood

RBM hopes everyone had a great holiday, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or that made up one for black people. We have a special New Years schedule this week:

Dec. 30: Regular

Dec. 31: Little care or foresight

Jan 1: Little care, much less foresight

Jan 2: Regular

In South Philadelphia, James Joseph Cialella, 29, was trying to enjoy The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but some twerp in front of him wouldn’t keep his Goober hole shut. Ciallella tried several times to quiet the child, even angrily throwing popcorn at him, but still the rambunctious youth would not zip it. So Cialella did the next logical thing and shot the child’s father in the arm with a .380-caliber handgun. Cialella returned to his seat to enjoy the rest of the movie, in peace.

The NY Yankees are doing pretty good on money.

Pour one out for: John Costelloe, the actor who played Johnny “Cakes” Witkowski on the Sopranos, took his own life on Dec. 16 in the basement of his Sunset Park, Brooklyn home. Best gay fireman ever.

The New York Stock Exchange has enlisted the aid of economic whiz-kid and Twisted Sister front-man Dee Snider to save the US economy from doom. There’s a recession and he’s not going to take it.

One thousand movies opened up on Christmas, but the weekend crown goes to Marley & Me, which took in $51.8 million. The new Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie did pretty well considering it has Tom Cruise in it.

On Christmas Eve, Los Angeles federal judge Feess ruled that Fox has the right to distribute Watchmen. This means Warner Bros. has to reach a settlement quickly or their release date of March 6th is fucked. I suggest chocolates and tickets to a Broadway show, maybe Wicked, I heard that ones fun.

With the okay from George Lucas for “Star Wars: A Musical Journey,” it’s confirmed that Lucas no longer gives a shit about the fans.

Cute Overload has a new picture of a puppy. Why is this important? Because I’m single.

Another F*cking LOST Promo

ABC has released another promo for season 5 of LOST (23 more days to go!). How far would you go for love? Would you murder? Would you risk the life of a child? What would you do if your son was at home? Crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he’s hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money. Huh, smart guy?

Not Your Music Scene Pt. 1 – Bongo Flava

As a pup coming up in North Jersey, our local music scene was pretty damn stale. I used to go to Oi shows at the Moose Lodge on Saturday afternoons, but the Oi Scouts never really managed to touch my soul. We did see our share of great bands (RIP Folly), but there wasn’t enough culture in the area to actually spawn a style of music. So in an effort to write something besides mean-spirited entertainment news, I’m beginning a series of articles on music scenes around the world that have given birth to a distinctive style all their own. Stewardess, may I have another gin and tonic? It’s a long flight to Tanzania, home of Bongo Flava.