Even though Dr. Girlfriend has the voice of a toad, and would rather bone butterfly men, scrawny mad scientists, and dudes with invisible limbs, doesn’t mean that she isn’t smoke’n hot. And if you ask me, Janet Jackson couldn’t look this delicious no matter how hard she tried.
Because you’ve been waiting so patiently, here’s the trailer for the direct to DVD Ace Ventura spin-off, Ace Ventura Jr., featuring the fat kid from Nancy Drew. Why they did make Ace fat? Did they mention that in the movies and I don’t remember? Oh, well if I don’t remember, that’s because the last Ace Ventura movie came out 13 years ago.
Here’s the sketch that was cut from last Saturday’s SNL, maybe for too much cursing, maybe because it’s not funny, maybe because of a political conspiracy.
Here’s the trailer for Waterworld: The Musical, starring Patrick Warburton (Seinfeld, The Tick, The Venture Brothers). Man looks great, huh? Too bad it’s a viral video to promote the movie Made For Each Other starring Warburton, Samm Levine (Freaks and Geeks) and Danny Masterson (That 70s Show). I love everything Warburton touches, but this spoof just seems…less than.
24: Redemption aired last night on Fox and the name was no joke; this two hour special really raised my hopes for season 7 and destroyed any apprehensions brought on by season 6. Sutherland was top notch and once again managed to tug at my heart strings, while stabbing like, 50 terrorists in theirs. When Bauer realizes that he can’t save someone, man, Sutherland does more with his facial expression than a room full of “DAMMITS!” The preview for season 7 got my juices flowing and I was pretty bummed that they’re raising Tony Almeda back from the dead, until I saw the clip of Jack choke slamming him against a wall and saying “I’m gonna work you.” Fuck. Yeah. Here’s a run-down of season 7 plot-points that were set up in Redemption (stolen from Entertainment Weekly because I have other shit to do):
• The president-elect has a son who’s buddies with a guy who has a drug problem and info on high-level crimes: excellent for the kind of seedy melodrama that always brings out the best in 24!
• Jon Voight looks like the new season’s Big Bad. Boy, is Voight big! Boy, is his acting not bad! He’s got that rumbly, slit-eyed malevolence that makes him look like a puffed-up cobra with a white-haired wig. Plus, if Voight hangs around, we can all speculate endlessly on whether his hey-I’m-a-Hollywood-conservative-for-McCain status—the kind of “defiance” that’s really show-biz code for, “I have to come up with some reason why no one’s giving me major movie roles, so it must be my politics”—has anything to do with his presence on a series that until this season was co-run by another prominent H’wood conservative, Joel Surnow.
• All the really intriguing tidbits were dropped in at the end, in the extended preview of the season starting in January: Jack being brought in front of a D.C. hearings panel for human-rights violations; a shot of Chloe saying, “I’m a stay-at-home mom”; and over the words, “One of the men behind this threat is someone you know,” a glimpse of Tony Almeda, the Man Who Will Not Die.
I also found this awesome article in which Sutherland basically calls Dennis “David Palmer” Haysbert a doofus for thinking 24 had anything to do with getting Obama elected. I guess you could say the same thing about Chris Rock’s Head of State.
“You don’t honestly believe that our show helped get the first African American into the White House do you?” he asked Newsbeat. “All we simply did is look to the future.”
In season 7, they have a female president. Shit.
Warner Bros. has begun its campaign in Variety to try to get Ledger a Best Supporting Actor nomination. According to /Film, Ledger will be competing against:
Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road, Philip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt, John Malkovich in Changeling, Ralph Fiennes in Duchess, John Malkovich and Brad Pitt in Burn After Reading and Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder.
With the exception of Revolutionary Road, I’ve seen all of these movies and honestly, no one can hold a candle to Ledger’s performance (no offense to the others, Hoffman is my favorite working actor). But it’s going to be a stretch for the Academy to recognize an outstanding performance in a comic book movie. I mean, everyone remembers when James Marsden was completely snubbed in 2006 for his role as Cyclops in X-Men: The Last Stand.
Time is a fickle bitch, and keeping you half-mad/half-insane maniacs entertained requires titanic amounts of it. I therefore bring to your weary bloodshot eyes, a blast from B-Movie past, and another picture that has fallen between the breasts of the time mistress. For your pleasure (and mine), the long awaited Forgotten Failure…..FRANKENHOOKER.
Surprise, surprise. Every 14 year old girl and sexually-confused young boy in the United States went to go see Twilight this weekend, earning it a $70 million opening weekend. From Variety:
Based on Stephenie Meyer’s bestselling book series, “Twilight” is a ready-made film franchise, and the opening reps a resounding victory for the relatively new Summit, which didn’t even wait for the weekend to finish before announcing plans for sequel “New Moon.”
After some investigative journalism, I found out that “New Moon” has something to do with a werewolf, go figure. I also found a summary of the book written by a 30 year old woman living in Alabama. Here’s a snippet:
Also, Edward is a douche. I mean, obviously he’s breaking up with Bella for her own good and lying to her and blah blah emocakes. But now we have to listen to Bella angst for 3,293,487 pages. Don’t you ever think about us, Edward? Our suffering?
It didn’t say anywhere on her profile, but something tells me this woman is single and loving it. Emocakes.
By Joe Provost
With Thanksgiving in just a few days I thought it would be good to take stock of some things I’m thankful for. These are by no means the 10 things I’m most thankful for (far to introspective for my fragile psyche), just some things that came to mind whilst pondering the idea. Post you own lists and then we’ll all join hands for a lively rendition of Kumbaya. Happy Thanksgiving you turkeys.