Crazy Crap: Zombie Cats

November 29, 2008


Now if only they could get a shot of them doing the “booty bounce”, this would be the best pic E-V-E-R!

Black Friday at WalMart; Woman Nearly Trampled to Death

November 28, 2008


A 41-year-old woman in Orange City, FL seeking a $29 dollar DVD player at the Black Friday WalMart jump-off was nearly trampled to death. She was first in line, so naturally, she was knocked unconscious and the herd just kept running (fuck dude, it’s only $29 bucks, right?). She ended up in the hospital, unable to remember what the hell happened. But it’s cool, because WalMart made it up to her the only way they know how. They called the woman’s sister and:

…Wal-Mart officials called later Friday to ask about her sister, and the store apologized and offered to put a DVD player on hold for her. (From CNN)

‘Nuff said.

Crazy Crap: Peter Griffin Lives!

November 28, 2008


This is just too damn spooky.

Listen to the Benjamin Button Score; No Lil Wayne

November 28, 2008


The entire score from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, composed by Alexander Desplat (Golden Compass, The Queen) is now available online at the Warner Bros. site. I looked over the tracklisting and couldn’t believe my eyes. Maybe they just forgot to list them, I thought. Going over a list of every 2008 music release RBM can officially confirm that this is the first album of the year to not feature Lil Wayne, Ne-Yo, or Akon. I don’t know how I feel about this. Not good, I think.


Drinking Makes You Nigh-Invulnerable

November 28, 2008


I couldn’t decide to use this for RBM or the Mishka blog, so it’s posted on both. I hope they don’t mind.

Thanksgiving Eve, one of the most popular nights of the year for excessive drinking, has just passed and it got me to thinking about an alcoholic I had once read about, Michael Malloy, the victim of one of the most unusual murders in NYC history (I originally heard about him through the Primus song “You Can’t Kill Michael Malloy”). Malloy was an Irish immigrant who came over to NYC sometime in the early 1900s and quickly became an infamous drunk, but a cheerful one; besides his liver, he never hurt a soul. His watering-hole of choice was a speakeasy (Prohibition would not be repealed until December of 1933) at E. 177th St. in the Bronx, owned by a man named Anthony Marino. In 1932, Marino and three of Malloy’s speakeasy friends (Dan Kreisberg, Joseph Murphy, Frank Pasqua) were generous enough to insure him for nearly $2,000. Getting him to sign the policies was simple, they just waited until he was drunk and told him it was a petition that would help elect Marino for local office. The policies featured a double indemnity clause, so if Malloy just happened to have an accidental death, then double the value would be paid. Now, the “Murder Trust” (as the four men called themselves) just had to figure out how to bump off the 50 year old drunk.

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Rebel Scum Lets Renz do the Talking

November 28, 2008


From Rebelscum and Gentle Giant comes the Lieutenant Renz mini-bust ($65). Renz is the Imperial officer who delivered the classic line, “You Rebel Scum,” and the mini-bust actually comes with a voice-chip that replays that line. Also included with purchase is a stand-up autograph card bearing a hand-signed autograph from Barrie Holland, who played Lt. Renz in Return of the Jedi.

If I had a position of authority at my job, I would get a Renz for my office. Whenever I was done reprimanding one of my peons, I would play the line, lean back, and point to the door. Please close it on your way out, I’ve got shit to do. Shit you wouldn’t understand even if a manual was provided. Speaking of, send Manuel in, I need to have a few words with that Spaniard.


Give Thanks One & All; Police Academy 8

November 28, 2008


Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Yesterday I learned that some people like having mac & cheese with their T’Giving dinner, which I think is insane. (VictorianBlood, you make me sick). I went into a turkey-induced coma while watching The ‘Burbs, which we followed up with the Star Wars Holiday Special, a game of Scene-It Seinfeld, the Christian after-school special Second Glance, and wrapped up the festivities with the last half of Christmas With the Kranks (I may or may not have cried, but who hasn’t cried during a Tim Allen movie?). Anyways, back to it.

Steve Guttenberg told The Sun that an eighth Police Academy movie is being written, and Kim Catrall and Sharon Stone may be suiting up again.

“We are doing a new movie and it is going to be great fun,” he said. “A script is being written and so far it is really great, everyone from the original movies who is still around will return.”

I don’t remember Police Academy 4, 5, and 7. Maybe they left a lot of loose ends in 7 and it’s been driving Guttenberg crazy for 14 years. Guttenberg states that he would love to have ex-Academy members Sharon Stone and Kim Cattrall return for number 8, but they haven’t said yes yet. Maybe because they have successful careers post-Police Academy. And I doubt that the bankroll for a timely eighth Police Academy would be large enough to accomodate Stone and Cattrall. You could cast 11 Guttenburgs for one Stone.

Guttenberg also discusses a third Three Men and a Baby movie, which I would talk about but I’m having a great four-day weekend and don’t want to ruin it. He also comments on his regrets concerning turning down a role in Short Circuit 2:

“I turned down Short Circuit 2 too and I now wish I hadn’t. Sequels are a lot of fun and you get to hang out with all your friends. I wish I hadn’t turned those down.”

Guttenburg said this as he offed his second bottle of Ketel One. “I mean, it’s like, being at a permanent recess with all your friends, and people are filming it. And then everyone goes to see the film and everyone loves you. Everyone…so much fun…God, I’ve made so many mistakes…”

Robot Bites PETA: Free the Animals, Objectify the Women

November 28, 2008


Animals need rights and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) plans on gaining them, through the exploitation of women. From being stuffed in cages while dressed in bikinis to being covered in plastic wrap naked, smeared with fake blood, PETA will go to any length to dehumanize women in order to catch the attention of the misogynistic majority. And last time I checked, our deeply ingrained patriarchal society seems to be responding.

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When Food Fights Back

November 27, 2008


You better watch yer ass when feasting later today, because one of those juicy legs might just turn around and bust you in your grill.  Beware of Lieutenant Leg!

Crazy Crap: 2nd Level Cat Wizard

November 27, 2008


“It appears your party is in need of a wizard.”

Cats rule, and this proves it.

Mark Wahlberg Just Pissing on a Wall

November 26, 2008

wahlbergpeedouble“Say hello to ya motha for me, alright?”

Mark Wahlberg made me out to be a big fat liar. I said I wasn’t going to post anymore today, but then he had to go and piss on a wall in Los Angeles in broad day light, after having some lunch with his homies. This actually happened yesterday, but he doesn’t seem to care. Mark Wahlberg, I love you.

Via PopSugar.

A Quick Note

November 26, 2008


Hey neighbor. I just wanted to drop a quick notice that I will not be posting for the rest of the day due to work-related shit. I will, however, be dropping a ton of posts over the four-day Thanksgiving weekend.

And a quick shout-out to my sister, Corissa, who is the one who puts up the main RBM-page picture. I don’t even know what FTP is, so thank you Corey!

Now go overeat and get soused. Much like the above Pandas are.

They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used to: 1985-1986 He-Man Float

November 26, 2008

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is a tradition that’s been around since 1924 but didn’t get cool until 1985 when Mattel premiered the epic He-Man float. Thousands of young boys across the nation lost their minds as Castle Greyskull, She-Ra’s Crystal Castle, and a 50-story snake creature that fogged up half of New York City, came rolling through Manhattan. Beautifully narrated by Dolph Lundgren we watch “He-Man fight the Evil Horde(sounds like he says “battle the evil whore.”-Joe Provost). My favorite part is Sssqueeze casually stepping aside for He-Man and She-Ra’s sonic boom introduction.

Year 2 made a little less sense and features a completely life-less Hordak (must be the tripdephan). It’s seriously two minutes of absolute pandemonium and there’s so much fucking fog you can’t tell what’s going on for most of it. At 1:35, He-Man almost kills the guy playing Skeletor by nearly throwing him under the float. The glorious finale is He-Man giving the giant snake (who seems to be eating peanut butter) a dirty look.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What The F*ck Happened: Ralph Macchio

November 26, 2008


It looks as if Daniel Son grew up to be Tony Danza.  Totally didn’t see that one coming.

Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs Trailer

November 26, 2008

A lesson to all you men out there…..Never.  Trust.  A woman.  She’ll just take your nuts, then let ya fall to your doom.

Will Smith Pulls A 180

November 26, 2008

I Am Legend

Will Smith has decided that his original idea for an I Am Legend prequel has gone to hell, much like his character at the end of the first film. “What does that mean?”, you ask? AICN reports that Smith would rather the next movie be a sequel than a prequel.


“Smith is actually the one who developed the initial story. It took place several years before the original film and there were still pockets of survivors and the story centered around Smith interacting, bonding, and ultimately failing to save them. For months this was the story. Warner’s didn’t much care for it and Smith and Weiss eventually came on board and all parties agreed to change things up. Well this change is pretty insane, the film is no longer a prequel, it’s a fucking sequel!”

The only way on Earth a sequel could work, would be if the explosion caused him to turn into a zombie. Now a Will Smith zombie flick would be a movie I’d totally pay 10 bucks to see. Maybe if we’re lucky, he’ll feast upon the brains of his annoying little Ralph Macchio wanna be son, and we won’t have to suffer through the Karate Kid remake.

Crazy Crap: The Trench

November 26, 2008


Any likeness to The Death Star is purely coincidental. No kittens, squirrels, or Jedi were harmed in the making of this post (except for one mouse who fell victim to a freak hair-ball incident).

The Expendables Aiming for “Greatest Movie of All Time”

November 25, 2008


The Expendables is already starring Sylvestor Stallone, Jet Li, and Jason Statham, how much machismo can one film handle? More than that, said Stallone at the premiere of The Transporter 3 (full video below):

INTERVIEWER: The Expendables, are you looking forward to that?
STALLONE: I’m so looking forward to that.  I think we’re getting close to putting Dolph Lundgren in it – it’ll be like a homecoming of tough guys.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ I need to lay down. This is…I can’t…this is going to be the greatest movie of all time. Somebody pinch me. Fucking pinch me.

Nike SB Dunk High Mandalorian Wookie Stompers

November 25, 2008

41fglrmsbil_ss400_Even the most notorious bounty hunter in the galaxy needs help with his vertical. Here are the Nike SB Dunk High “Boba Fett Edition” Sneakers available on Amazon for a cool $115. If anyone deserves a Nike sponsorship, it’s old Jaster. The Slave 1 would look so awesome with a giant Swoosh on the back.


“We won’t lose our swagger at all, because when you put that food on the back-burner, it’s just simmering and it tastes better. When you got that food on the front burner, that’s the one you’re paying attention to the most, and that’s the one that might burn. We’re on that back-burner.”

-Boba Fett

Check out more pics after the jump(Man 23)…

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Pumba Beating the Shit Out of Simba

November 25, 2008

Why? Because I stepped in two huge puddles on the way to the train station this morning and am feeling a bit off today.


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