RBM One-Ups Katy Perry

October 27, 2008

Katy Perry, you are full of shit. You released your ‘phone number’ to the public, but your phone number is really some kind of celebrity-phone-service in which your fans can get updates via text message that will cost some of them money. I haven’t felt this betrayed since Jar Jar thoughts peoples were gonnas dies. I bet you’ve never even kissed a girl…

Robot Bites Man is going to one-up you and release our phone number to the public. And this isn’t just because Oh, Mars wants people besides his Mother to call him. It’s to help us bring ripe news straight off the vine. And we’ve kissed girls. Like, 1,000 of them.

OFFICIAL RBM HOTLINE: 978-979-3455

(LINE 2): 978-210-6995


Halloween Throwback 8 — Eerie Indiana

October 27, 2008

Eerie Indiana ran from ’91 to ’93 and was far superior to Goosebumps, more creative than Are You Afraid of the Dark?, and broke more genres than any kids show thus far – I’ll scrap with anyone who wants to challenge that. If wine was a television show, it would be EI and it would be the best drunk you’ve ever had. It was The X-Files for 12 years olds. I bought the complete series on DVD in 2005 and was more creeped out by it than when I was 12 (in the first episode, two twins basically murder their mother and trust me, that’s not the only EI episode where people bite it). For all ya’ll that don’t remember what EI was all about, I’ll let Marshall (above) do the talking (much praise to innermind.com for their extensive transcriptions and exhaustive, nerdy research.):

Marshall’s introduction to Episode 3:

My name is Marshall Teller. I knew my home town was going to be different from where I grew up in New Jersey (Jerseeeeeey! – ed.), but this is ridiculous. Nobody believes me, but Eerie is the center of weirdness for the entire planet. Item, Elvis lives on my paper route. Item, Bigfoot eats out of my trash. Item, even man’s best friend is weird. Still don’t believe me? You will.

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Jesus Wept: The Hellraiser Review

October 27, 2008

Much like Phantasm, watching Hellraiser was like somebody turned on some mixing beaters, and shoved them in my ear.  It didn’t leave me open mouthed and drooling, like Phantasm did, but still had me scratching my head a few times.  Read the rest of this entry »


Your New Favorite Band — Guitar Hero World Tour Commerical

October 27, 2008

‘Ho boy. This is the commercial for Guitar Hero World Tour featuring Kobe, Phelps, Hawk, and A-Rod. i like the concept of this commercial. The look on Hawk’s face is so unapologetically gay, I’m going to assume he did it on purpose. After shooting was over, Phelps returned to Atlantis and Kobe asked the director who Tony Hawk is.


Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince International Trailer

October 27, 2008

This looks more like a trailer for The Omen than a Harry Potter movie; I got the wicked bad willies. And Harry gets a boner at the end, ruining the entire trailer.


World’s Fattest Wedding

October 27, 2008

Strange things are super dope, and The Discovery Channel isn’t afraid to show them to the world. While at work one night, a documentary called The World’s Heaviest Man was on. With a title like that, watching something else wasn’t an option; plus my interest in the weird prevented me from channel surfing. The show was about Manuel Uribe (a native of Monterrey Mexico) who weighed in at a scale crushing 1,230 pounds (560 kilograms), earning him the Guinness World Record as the world’s heaviest man back in ’06.

Since that time, Uribe has roughly shed a miraculous 550 pounds (250 kilograms) with the help of Claudia Solis, his lady friend whom he met four years ago. Read more after the jumpity jump Read the rest of this entry »


Troy Duffy Blogs Boondock Saints 2; Talks Like an Asshole

October 27, 2008

Director Troy Duffy is video-blogging the production of the sequel to every college-douchebag’s favorite movie: The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day. (Note: I loved this movie the first time I saw it. After repeated views, it’s really overrated. Overrated, that is, by every kid in college that made my skin crawl. If all the slow-motion scenes were played at regular speed the movie would have an 11 minute running time). I’m hoping he begins to subtitle the next videos, since Duffy seems to speak in some broken, newspeak-ish, douchebag-tongue. Check out more videos at Duffy’s Youtube Page. Cue the slow-motion and Catholic imagery. Boston. Guinness. Psalm 27. Cut. Pray. Cut.

Follow the jump to see the trailer for Overnight, a documentary about Duffy’s rise to semi-fame…and how much of an asshole he became.

Read the rest of this entry »


WB Brings “Ninja Scroll” To The Real World

October 27, 2008

Anime has never been that special to me.  Sure, there are a few amazing ones like Akira, Princess Mononoke, and Howl’s Moving Castle; but none had ever made my jaw drop, nor sent chills surging through my body.  That was until I saw Ninja ScrollRead the rest of this entry »


TIE Fighter From The Coffee Empire

October 27, 2008

Because Ohmars has some mutant ability to yank posting ideas from the mush I call a brain, here’s a TIE Fighter done by photographer Dan Winters. He used nearly 50 Starbucks cups, 216 stirrers, over 60 drink holders and a couple of coffee boxes thrown in for good measure.  He must’ve taken one HELL of a victory piss.


Fanboys Pushed Back to 2009

October 27, 2008

Fanboys has been lingering in movie-purgatory for over a year now. First it was that whole cancer thing, and now it’s being pushed back even further so the Weinstein Co. can promote it more. From the LA Times:

Harvey says the movie has been moved to January “so we can do a major promotion with Comcast, who’s arranging for a big advertising tie-in for us on the film.”


The Duchess Review — Rocked Out

October 27, 2008

Two days of Oktoberfest in Salem rocked me out pretty hard. The burlesque, the Ipswich Ale, the scotch, the enabling. So on Sunday, all I wanted to do was eat bacon and go see a movie. Why did I pick The Duchess? Keira Knightley, dummy! This isn’t going to be a long review; I don’t really have much to say about this one. Half of the movie was close-ups of Knightley’s face and the other half was close-ups of Ralph Fiennes’. Usually I wouldn’t mind (hey, Ralph has an interesting face), but the extreme-close-up-overload started to make me uncomfortable. Knightley’s character was boring and didn’t make sense in the end. Fiennes’ character was pretty awesome and sparked some sympathy in me even though he was the villain. The natural lighting was dramatic…I’m sorry, I’m still rocked out. I can’t form a sentence. Check out the trailer after the jizz-ump… Read the rest of this entry »


South Park X Cloverfield

October 27, 2008

The last episode of South Park (Pandemic) featured a pretty sweet spoof sequence of Cloverfield. You can check out the whole episode here.


Animated Asshole Of The Week: 10/26 edish

October 27, 2008

Normally, the “Animated Asshole” comes into our lives on either Thursday or Friday.  This week is a little different, mostly thanks to the mass consumption of malt liquor.

I have selected a being, who doesn’t even leave his home without insulting a family member.  He is a character, greatly forgotten by many.  His name….Duckman (Private Dick/Family Man).

Read the rest of this entry »


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