After almost a year, and a writer’s strike, Heroes made its return to NBC last night. Even if I had the ability of super intelligence, there is no way I could describe just how utterly rank that two hour shit-fest was. It was as if they held a meeting and said “Ok people, we left a perfectly good opening for season 3 on the table, before the strike. Let’s brainstorm on how to totally destroy everything that was beautiful about the show.” Well my little snowflakes, that’s just what they did.
If you were all caught up on where season 2 of Heroes left off, you should be familiar with how intense it was. Last night started so far in left field it dwarfed the Green Monster. Peter and Clair in the future? What crap is that. Yeah, the whole “future Peter shot Nathan” was an interesting twist. Too bad that was the only interesting thing that happened besides some side boob from Dania Ramirez (Maya). That episode sucked so much, I don’t even care if what is said now ruins anything for anyone out there. Sylar, Peter, and Nathan are all brothers (ooooohhhh, wonder how long it took them to come up with that shockfest), Angela Petrelli now runs The Company, Suresh has powers for some idiotic reason, and a bunch of “Level 5″ bad dudes got released. Who the fuck cares about this random introduction to a “level” of The Company that nobody gives a flying fuck about any ways? We never even knew there were different levels, so why bring it up now?
You know what, with all that fucking time those cry-baby writers had, they could’ve come up with something a lot more respectful. How could all of those actors sit in front of the camera, and lie to their fans like that? Every fuck one (yes it’s spelled like that for a reason), built up last night to be this epic event in television history. What we got was a cluster fuck.
My brain still hasn’t processed all of the putrid anal leakage that it attempted to digest from that show. I guess all that’s left to be said is “YOU FUCKED UP!”. Don’t expect the Lords and Ladies of Castle Camelot to view your show again NBC. You may have fooled most of America with your play dough factory vomit, but not this Viking. Perhaps if you pay attention to the people who watched the show, and not your lame company execs, this might not have happened. Until next time, here’s an epic finger just for you…