RBM Gives Robert Englund Crazy Nightmares

Kung Fu THIS, Bitch! \m/

“Alien Vs. Hunter” = Totally Unwatchable….Literally

(the tagline says: “Battlezone: EARTH”…like it matters)

Wow.  This is a first.  I have never in my life come across a movie that is such a blatant ripoff.  Really?  Alien Vs. Hunter?  They couldn’t even come up with a vaguely different name?  We’re witnessing a new form of lazy which requires a whole new word.  I mean, who in the hell did they think they were fooling?  They almost got me.  Almost.  Thankfully, they have a crackerjack team of writers over at Netflix.  What they came up with for a synopsis is pure gold:

Game Over: The Life & Adventures Of “EVOLVER”

The late 80′s and early 90′s were a great time to be a kid.  Computer generated effects were in their infancy, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak, and many awesomely-bad sci-fi movies were being pumped out like no tomorrow.  My favorite brand of those films were the ones based around video games that tried to kill the players for real.  Just think about it.  What if Nintendo had the cojones to instal crazy military programing into Robbie The Robot?  Gyromite would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult, I tell ya what.  I’ll do you one better.  What if Q from Star Trek: TNG was responsible for programing and designing the robot?  We’d be in for a world of shit.  EVOLVER is about that very thing.

Meh At The End Of The Street

There really isn’t all that much to do when you’re working the graveyard shift.  Reading books and channel surfing tends to play a huge part in the down-time.  But ever since Netflix became available to me, via my phone and other media, I’ve been privy to the seemingly endless supply of mediocre movies they’ve acquired.  Tonight I took the Netflix wheel o’ wonders for a spin and was rewarded with indifference.  Ladies and gentlemen, here are my thoughts on House at the End of the Street.

Defender Discusses “DAYBREAKERS”

Let’s face it, vampires have been done to death these days.  Everything from turning them into sparkly sissies, giving them an HBO series, and having them go toe-to-toe with a former president has been churned out of tinsel-town lately.  Frankly, I’m sick of it.  They’re everywhere these days and they totally suck…and not in the awesome way.  I was beginning to lose hope that there would never be a truly great vampire movie again.  DAYBREAKERS changed all that.

“Evil Dead” Remake Red Band Trailer

Welp…I’m gonna go kill myself.

The Hobbit: A Most Expected Face-Melting

It certainly makes my nerd balls swell to know that this film finally got it’s shit together.  Let’s just hope we get to see it before that 2012 prediction comes to fruition.  Damn Mayans.  They should just buy a new damn calendar, if you ask me.  Those things are quite cheap and have cute pictures of cats doing adorable things on them.

BANEs, Bats, & Cats: Trailer For “The Dark Knight Rises”

By now the entire world has been made aware of this trailer’s existence.  But I am mostly to blame for the lack of promptness and all around good humor that you all have come to expect from RBM.  Lots of booze and not enough sleep will cause such problems.